“My Child would never view porn!”
Yeah, that is what I thought. However, statistics show that the average age of a child viewing pornography is 11 years old! I was terrified when I found out my son was one of those statistics.
It can be shocking and even shameful to find out your child is viewing porn. No parent wishes that for their son or daughter. With the easy access our kids have to technology these days, it makes it inevitable that they may stumble upon it, even if by accident.
The question is, what do you do when you find out your child has looked at porn?
Below is an excerpt from a blog post written by Dr. Jim Burns from The Parent Cue, where he suggests you do these five things:
1. Don’t Freak Out
I know you may want to. Our natural reaction is to panic, but too much emotion or anger will only complicate the matter. So take a deep breath, and realize it is not the end of the world. Most kids who view pornography don’t become sex offenders.
2. Make This a Teachable Moment
When you imagine the end for your kids, what you truly want is to help them develop a healthy, positive view of sexuality. Sometimes, one of the most effective ways to teach healthy sexuality is to help them understand that “it’s not that” but “this”. Use the poor choice of looking at porn as a positive opportunity to teach them the beauty of God-given sexuality and why we wait until marriage and adulthood.
3. Create Consequences Within Reason
If stumbling upon porn was truly accidental there should be no consequence; but if they chose to view a porn site then yes, developing boundaries with consequences for their actions is the right thing to do. But do it without shaming them, and create the consequences as a boundary to keep them from constant porn use and, more importantly, help them make better decisions. For the first offense, this might mean taking away a mobile device and adding a blocking filter along with regular monitoring by a parent or parents.
4. Teach Positive, Healthy Sexuality
The prescription for making better decisions about sex is for parents to proactively teach their kids healthy sexuality. All studies show the more positive healthy sex education is communicated in the home, the less promiscuous kids will be. So don’t just have one conversation. Make it an ongoing dialogue. Sure there will be awkward moments. That’s okay, sexuality can be awkward. I write books on the subject, and my own kids have mocked me plenty of times for those ongoing conversations.
5. Find Helpful Resources
There are excellent resources to equip you to help your kids develop sexual integrity, and even in the area porn addiction. I always suggest you find resources that stay true to your values to come alongside you.
A few of my go-to websites are CovenantEyes.com, xxxChurch.com and HomeWord.com for “Pure Foundation Resources” for ages 3 to adult.
In this digital world, it is harder than ever to protect our kids’ eyes and minds. So start the conversation early and have it often.